Relationships are one of the most significant parts of our lives — and one of the most complex. When things become difficult, it can affect everything: your sense of self, your wellbeing, your ability to function. Couples counselling gives you a structured space to step out of the patterns keeping you stuck — and start building something that works.
What Brings Couples to Counselling?
People come to couples counselling for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes it's a specific crisis; sometimes it's a slow drift that's been building for a long time.
Common reasons include:
- Communication breakdown — conversations that go nowhere, or that spiral into conflict
- Trust and infidelity — betrayal, secrecy, or the slow erosion of trust
- Emotional distance — feeling disconnected, unheard, or like you're living parallel lives
- Life transitions — becoming parents, career changes, relocation, retirement, ageing
- Conflict patterns — recurring arguments that never resolve, or a cycle of withdrawal and pursuit
- Different expectations — about intimacy, roles, finances, family, or what the relationship should look like
- Grief and stress — external pressures that strain the relationship
- Considering separation — whether to stay, how to part well, or how to reconnect
You don't need to be in crisis to benefit from couples work.
How Couples Counselling Works Here
Sessions are 60–90 minutes. We meet in person in Keilor, Melbourne, or via telehealth across Australia.
The first session focuses on understanding each person — your experience of the relationship, what you're struggling with, and what you're hoping for. This is also your opportunity to assess whether my approach feels like the right fit. Both people get heard.
From there, sessions are collaborative and purposeful. We work together to understand the patterns that keep you stuck, build new ways of communicating, and create the conditions for genuine change.
My approach draws on:
- Emotionally Focused Therapy — understanding the emotional patterns that drive disconnection and repair
- Gottman-informed approaches — evidence-based strategies for managing conflict, building friendship, and creating shared meaning
- Person-centred practice — genuinely hearing each person's experience without judgment
- Existential and values-based reflection — exploring what matters most to each of you and to the relationship
Most sessions involve both partners. Sometimes we might meet individually if it helps the couples work — always discussed openly and agreed together.
What Couples Counselling Is — and Isn't
Couples counselling is not about deciding who's right. It's about understanding what's happening beneath the surface — the needs, fears, and patterns that drive the dynamic between you.
It's also not a guarantee of staying together. Sometimes the healthiest path is a thoughtful, respectful separation — and counselling can support that process too. What it does offer is clarity: a clearer understanding of where you are, what's possible, and what you each need moving forward.
Is This the Right Fit?
Couples counselling with me may suit you if:
- Both partners are willing to engage — even if one is more hesitant than the other
- You want more than conflict management — you want to understand what's driving the disconnection
- You're open to honesty, even when it's uncomfortable
- You want a counsellor who is warm but direct — someone who will name what they see
This may not be the right fit if one partner is entirely unwilling to participate, or if there are active safety concerns that need to be addressed through specialist family violence services first. If you're unsure, please get in touch — I'm happy to help you think through whether this is the right step.
About Paul Hammat OAM
I'm Paul Hammat — a PACFA Registered Clinical Counsellor with a Master of Social Science (Counselling) and over two decades of experience supporting individuals and couples through difficult periods. I received the Order of Australia Medal for services to the community in the spiritual care sector, including counselling. Learn more about me →
Frequently Asked Questions
-
Do both partners need to want counselling for it to work?
It helps enormously if both people are willing to engage, even if one is more cautious or sceptical than the other. Couples counselling works best when both partners are in the room by choice. If one person is entirely unwilling, it may be worth starting with individual counselling to explore what's getting in the way.
-
What if we've already tried counselling before?
Previous counselling that didn't help is worth talking about — it often reveals something important about what you need. A different approach, a different focus, or simply a different therapeutic relationship can make a significant difference. Couples work varies widely in style and effectiveness, and finding the right fit matters.
-
Can we do couples counselling online?
Yes. Telehealth couples sessions are available across Australia and are effective for most presentations. Both partners need to be present — either together in the same room, or each joining from a private space with a reliable internet connection.
-
How many sessions will we need?
This varies depending on the complexity of what you're working through. Some couples find clarity and shift within 6–10 sessions; others engage in longer-term work. We'll review progress together regularly and you're always in control of how long you continue.
-
What if we decide to separate during counselling?
That's a valid outcome. Couples counselling isn't only about staying together — it's about making considered, honest decisions about the relationship. If separation becomes the path forward, counselling can support both people through that process with respect and clarity.