As a counsellor, I often hear people say that nothing quite prepares you for the first Christmas or New Year after the death of a loved one or the loss of a deeply meaningful relationship. The world seems to keep moving - shops fill with decorations, invitations arrive, festive music plays everywhere - yet internally, life may feel profoundly altered.
If this is your first holiday season since a loss, it is important to know that it makes sense that you experience what you are feeling. Grief does not follow a calendar, and it certainly does not pause simply because the season tells us we should feel joyful.

Why the Holidays Can Intensify Grief

Christmas and New Year are saturated with meaning. They are often tied to traditions, shared rituals, memories, and expectations of togetherness. However, when someone significant is missing, their absence can feel especially sharp.

You may notice:

• Waves of sadness or longing that come without warning
• A sense of disconnection from celebrations or people around you
• Guilt for not feeling festive, or guilt for moments when you do feel okay
• Heightened fatigue, irritability, or emotional numbness

These responses are not signs of weakness. They are natural expressions of love, attachment, and loss.

Giving Yourself Permission to Grieve Your Way

One of the most self-compassionate things you can do is to release the idea that there is a “right” way to get through the holidays. Some people want to keep traditions exactly the same; others need to change everything. Some want quiet; others want distraction and company.

You are allowed to:

• Say no to events that feel too much
• Leave early if emotions rise
• Create new rituals or pause old ones
• Acknowledge your loved one in ways that feel meaningful to you for example lighting a candle, writing a note, visiting a place you shared, or simply speaking their name.

Grief does not mean you are doing the holidays wrong. It means you are human and need to navigate the loss in ways that assist you to make meaning appropriately.

Navigating Christmas Day and New Year’s Eve

These particular days can carry extra weight. Christmas Day may highlight who is missing; New Year’s Eve can amplify the sense of crossing into a future that feels unfamiliar or even unwanted.

It can help to plan gently rather than avoid entirely:

• Decide ahead of time how you want to spend the day, even if plans remain simple
• Anchor yourself with one supportive person or grounding activity
• Lower expectations—this year may be about getting through, rather than creating memories

Sometimes the most healing question is not “How do I make this better?” but “What would feel most authentic right now?”

Caring for Yourself Amid Grief

Grief is exhausting, emotionally and physically. Small acts of care can make a meaningful difference:

• Maintain regular meals and rest where possible
• Step outside for fresh air or gentle movement
• Allow tears without judging them
• Balance remembrance with moments of rest or distraction

It is also okay if joy appears briefly. Moments of laughter or relief do not diminish your love or your grief; they often exist alongside it.

When Grief Feels Overwhelming

For some, the holiday season can intensify feelings of isolation, despair, or anxiety. If you notice grief becoming unbearable, or if you feel stuck, numb, or unsafe, this is not a failure—it is a sign that extra support may be needed.
Grief is not meant to be carried alone. Speaking with a counsellor or therapist can offer a safe space to honour your loss, make sense of complex emotions, and find steadier ground during this tender time.

A Gentle Invitation

If this Holiday Season feels heavier than you expected, please know that support is available. Reaching out for help is not a sign that you are “not coping”—it is an act of care for yourself and for the love you carry.
If you would like professional support as you navigate grief and loss during the holiday season, consider connecting with Paul at “a Counselling Concern”, call 0405023777. You deserve understanding, compassion, and support as you take each step at your own pace through this season and beyond.